Insomnia

Over my years in Taiwan, I have had periods of time where I just can't/won't sleep until the depths of the night.  I used to think this was particular to me, but have discovered that many expats in Taiwan suffer the same "problem".  I don't know if it's the environment, or if it's something about the kinds of people who come to Taiwan and stay here.  Because, over time I have found a large number of my friends are quite hyperactive or at least with overactive minds.  This trait may be what makes Taiwan attractive to us, or what allows (or compels us) to stay here.  On nights like this, I remember things like my dear friend Brian telling me how he thinks I would make a great smoker, and that it might temper my need to move and do things.  And times when I would roam the streets at three or four in the morning, just unable to settle and not ready for the calm of the apartment.  When I think of things like this, I kind of congratulate myself on the fact I have managed to live in a Taiwanese family for several years, with the boundaries imposed that really make it impossible to release much of the nervous tension that builds up from being in a pre-defined environment.  Very recently, I have had the urge to write again, and to create.  That feeling is like a ball inflating in my chest, being held down my the weight of something similar to water, yet thicker and darker.  I have the desire, but no project, and as yet no creature has shown its face as a subject.  Being stuck in this whirlpool of threatened unreleased energy brings a shadow to sleep and makes the bed rather unwelcoming.  As my rather insightful father once said, "Katrina, boredom seems to create a dangerous situation for you."